Posted 1 hour ago
I just want someone who won’t get annoyed when I text them six times or in all caps. Someone I can go on long drives with and can sing along to the radio with. Someone I can eat pizza with at 2am and kiss at 6pm. Someone who chooses me everyday and never thinks twice about it.
Posted 1 hour ago

relahvant:

codename-lol:

yoiplait:

terms for penis you should not use in fics:

  • love stick
  • doinker
  • schlong
  • wankie
  • ding dong
  • 100% all-beef thermometer
  • bologna pony
  • stinky pickle
  • magic wand
  • divine rod
  • love muscle
  • power drill
  • captain winky
  • yogurt slinger
  • DNA rifle 

are you kidding im going to use all of these

STINKY PICKLE

Posted 1 hour ago

urinatings:

if you ever get the chance please kiss me just fucking do it just go straight for the smooch and take it

(Source: secyass)

Posted 1 hour ago

ladystilts:

This is the kind of boyfriend I need.

(Source: bradbury-charlie)

Posted 1 hour ago
Posted 1 hour ago

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

  1. Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
  2. Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
  3. Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
  4. Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
  5. Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
  6. Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
  7. Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
  8. Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
  9. Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
  10. Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
  11. Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
  12. Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
  13. Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
  14. Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
  15. Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
  16. Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
  17. Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
  18. Dad: Fuck the government.
  19. Dad: Fuck the school board.
  20. Dad: Close the door.
  21. Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
  22. Dad: I love puns.
  23. Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
  24. Dad: Please shut up.
  25. Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
  26. Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
  27. Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
  28. Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
  29. Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
  30. Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
  31. Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
  32. Dad: They act like I care what they think.
  33. Dad: I hate homework.
  34. Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
  35. Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.
Posted 1 hour ago

m4ge:

Writing the conclusion is the worst part of writing reports

Ah yes thank you for reading my paper now please allow me to restate my thesis statement with slightly different wording and ultimately waste your time

Posted 1 hour ago
I am fucking insane but my intentions are gold and my heart is pure.
Posted 1 hour ago
Wait, these are actually hella cute questions.

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
2. Are you outgoing or shy?
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
4. Are you easy to get along with?
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
15. What good thing happened this summer?
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
19. Do you like bubble baths?
20. Do you like your neighbors?
21. What are you bad habits?
22. Where would you like to travel?
23. Do you have trust issues?
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
26. What do you do when you wake up?
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
28. Who are you most comfortable around?
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?
30. Do you ever want to get married?
31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
33. Spell your name with your chin.
34. Do you play sports? What sports?
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?
37. What do you say during awkward silences?
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
40. What do you want to do after high school?
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?
43. Do you smile at strangers?
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
46. What are you paranoid about?
47. Have you ever been high?
48. Have you ever been drunk?
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?
51. Ever wished you were someone else?
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?
53. Favourite makeup brand?
54. Favourite store?
55. Favourite blog?
56. Favourite colour?
57. Favourite food?
58. Last thing you ate?
59. First thing you ate this morning?
60. Ever won a competition? For what?
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?
62. Been arrested? For what?
63. Ever been in love?
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?
65. Are you hungry right now?
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?
67. Facebook or Twitter?
68. Twitter or Tumblr?
69. Are you watching tv right now?
70. Names of your bestfriends?
71. Craving something? What?
72. What colour are your towels?
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?
75. Favourite animal?
76. What colour is your underwear?
77. Chocolate or Vanilla?
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?
79. What colour shirt are you wearing?
80. What colour pants?
81. Favourite tv show?
82. Favourite movie?
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?
87. First person you talked to today?
88. Last person you talked to today?
89. Name a person you hate?
90. Name a person you love?
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
92. In a fight with someone?
93. How many sweatpants do you have?
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?
95. Last movie you watched?
96. Favourite actress?
97. Favourite actor?
98. Do you tan a lot?
99. Have any pets?
100. How are you feeling?
101. Do you type fast?
102. Do you regret anything from your past?
103. Can you spell well?
104. Do you miss anyone from your past?
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?
107. Have you ever been on a horse?
108. What should you be doing?
109. Is something irritating you right now?
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
111. Do you have trust issues?
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
113. What was your childhood nickname?
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?
115. Do you play the Wii?
116. Are you listening to music right now?
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?
118. Do you like Chinese food?
119. Favourite book?
120. Are you afraid of the dark?
121. Are you mean?
122. Is cheating ever okay?
123. Can you keep white shoes clean?
124. Do you believe in love at first sight?
125. Do you believe in true love?
126. Are you currently bored?
127. What makes you happy?
128. Would you change your name?
129. What your zodiac sign?
130. Do you like subway?
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
133. Favourite lyrics right now?
134. Can you count to one million?
135. Dumbest lie you ever told?
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?
137. How tall are you?
138. Curly or Straight hair?
139. Brunette or Blonde?
140. Summer or Winter?
141. Night or Day?
142. Favourite month?
143. Are you a vegetarian?
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?
145. Tea or Coffee?
146. Was today a good day?
147. Mars or Snickers?
148. What’s your favourite quote?
149. Do you believe in ghosts?
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

ask me sOME PLS

(via andrew-kun)

askkkkkk

(via dunnowhat-imdoing)

(Source: catscuddlingandyou)

Posted 1 hour ago

theimpossiblegirlll:

foodslumber:

fuffuster:

has anyone ever stopped to think about what ridiculous animals goats are

like

image

WHAT THE FUCK

image

HOW DID YOU EVEN GET UP THERE

image

ARE THESE ANIMALS EVEN REAL

image

????? ?? ? ???????//

SOMEONE FUCKING EXPLAIN THIS SHIT TO ME

omg

science side of tumblr? wanna explain this?